Daqui a 15 minutos, o despertador toca.

A frase dita pelo meu amigo Gabriel Lopes no fim do jogo de ontem merece o título disso que eu escrevo. Daqui a pouco o despertador toca. A realidade cruel com a qual o botafoguense odeia conviver rotineiramente nos domina de novo. Hora de trabalhar, estudar, pensando, sempre, no que PODERIA ter dado certo – e tendo que ouvir de muita gente que não entende o que significa isso pra nós.

Depois da vitória sobre o Flamengo na semifinal, postei nos stories do Instagram o porquê de não abandonar tudo isso e queimar, de vez, todo o transtorno constante de torcer pelo clube mais místico da história. Disse que, lá em cima, alguém sempre olha por quem muito insiste, apoia, trabalha, supera a si mesmo. A expressão “leite de pedra”, com certeza, não é metáfora. É sinônimo de perseverança.

O tempo passava, e os céus me enganavam o tempo inteiro. E eu caía feito bobo. Via um cenário totalmente negativo. Até a atmosfera era idêntica a todas as decepções que passei de pescoço esticado, coçando a cabeça, roendo unhas, com os olhos de quem franze a testa como símbolo de esperança e expectativa.

O apito final, o ruído caótico vindo do outro lado, e a desolação coletiva, minha e dos meus companheiros de preto e branco.

Eu começava a tentar virar o jogo conversando com quem não conhecia. Eu conversei muito, só não sei com quem. Com a mão esquerda, segurava meu terço de madeira e o beijava com todo o carinho do mundo. Contava tudo que já tinha se passado com cada um dos botafoguenses ali presentes. Eu não só listava cada acontecimento catastrófico dos últimos anos como também explicava. Com nomes, números e datas. Como se o Ser que estava tomando conta daquele jogo não soubesse aquilo que a gente passa e sente. E talvez seja isso mesmo.

E a cada de perigo, eu prosseguia meu discurso. A cada defesa do goleiro adversário, eu pedia para que ele prestasse atenção no sofrimento da nossa gente. A cada bola levantada, ressaltava o anseio de uma torcida que precisava extravasar, por mais que o campeonato estadual já não seja mais o de antes. Eu falava, pedia, implorava. Pela minha história, pelos meus amigos, pelo meu pai. Irritava o além até que ele me aparecesse com uma resposta.

Mas eu ia perdendo a sintonia e o tempo passava. O ruído caótico de 2015 e 2016 já me assombrava de novo. E eu havia enchido o saco de Deus e o mundo pra comparecer em 2018 novamente. Eu me sentei, abaixei a cabeça e aceitei. Era tudo que alguém lá de cima queria. A hora perfeita pro inicio de uma história de cinema.

O gol do jogador que eu talvez mais admire no último lance do jogo não era algo que entrava na minha cabeça como algo possível. O ruído agora era confortante. Meu desmaio de uns dez segundos me fez ir a algum lugar agradecer a quem fosse.

Nos pênaltis, eu próprio me contradisse quando abaixei de pernas cruzadas, no chão da fileira e olhei pra baixo enquanto as cobranças aconteciam. A superstição que eu digo ser nula nesses momentos nunca me foi tão válida. A partir do momento em que ouvi o nosso ruído da primeira defesa de Gatito, não movi um músculo até o final.

O cenário de filme que eu tanto esperava desde criancinha, acompanhando o Botafogo na ingenuidade da infância e nunca vista, veio quando esse meu sentimento se pulverizara por completo. Voltei a ser criança.

Eles me enganaram direitinho. Ou simplesmente não queriam, mas alguém lá em cima deu um jeito. Se foi o Heleno ameaçando que não nos desse o título de porrada, o João Saldanha apontando revólver pra quem não fizesse a bola sobrar no pé do Carli, o Garrincha tentando descer pra Terra pelos fundos e dar uma mão, Nilton Santos e Didi tentando desenrolar com os Deuses. Pode até ter sido tudo isso. Foi muito perfeito pra ter si ao acaso – ou no mínimo real.

Eu não acordei. Eu tenho medo de acordar. Não sei quem o escreveu, mas é o maior artista já visto. Afinal, não há obra de arte mais linda que o desenho do destino. Na folha de papel em branco, pincel preto – e o resto é cinza.

O estado é de êxtase na alma do torcedor do clube mais sequelado e imprevisível do planeta. Por toda a intensidade de um ano que começou com tudo para aumentar a nossa pressão ao topo, no oito ou oitenta, literalmente alternando entre céu e inferno semanalmente. E quem disse que a gente não gosta?

Dizem que há coisas que só acontecem nos sonhos. Mas tem aquelas que nem neles; só no Botafogo mesmo.

Mas sente e relaxe. Ainda vem muito mais por aí, do bom e o do pior. Logo logo o despertador toca. E mais um dia a gente leva pelo Botafogo. Sempre a acreditar.

Abs,

Daniel Braune

Vasco X Botafogo pelo Campeonato Carioca no Estadio Maracana. 08 de abril de 2018, Rio de Janeiro, RJ, Brasil. Foto: Vitor Silva/SSPress/Botafogo.

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